SYL - Week 13

Checking in

This week for SYL we are revisiting our goals, checking in to see how we are going. Week 13 - Checking in

When I first read that it was a week to stop and look back, reflect and evaluate, I took a nice deep breath in. This was a good week! One where I didn't have to confront any demons or tackle any of the big issues. Boy was I wrong!!.....

My first goal was to do with my relationship.

Goal 1 - To repair, strengthen and enjoy my relationship with hubby.

Mini goals were to spend one night a week technology free. Just hubby and I reconnecting and finding ourselves again.

I must admit that we did this once. The first week. It didn't even go that well, we just didn't really know what to do and I'll also admit that it was hard for me to not be on the computer and it was harder for Trav. I really want to keep this goal exactly as it is but I think we need a little more structure to that night. We need to have a set time to have the kids in bed and we need to have already decided what we shall do. Maybe we can plan something earlier in the day and then save it for when we have time to ourselves.

So goal 1 is definitely still a goal. I don't think it is the most important goal, I have realised that it sits in second place because Trav and I spend some time together but I spend MOST of my time in the house which is why goal 2 is actually my most important goal now. The house/home environment is my biggest bringer of frustration!.....

Goal 2 - To declutter and organise the house so it can be maintained easily.

Ok goal 1 was also broken down in to mini goals. The first one was to organise one room at a time, make it manageable. This bit we are on track with. The bathroom and toilet are under control and have been for a few weeks. When I walk in to a clean bathroom, I get a sense of calm and relief. I have also noticed that when I ask one of the big kids to take the dirty clothes to the laundry or wipe the basin, they don't even complain and I think that is because it is a simple task. There is no giant bathroom monster hiding in there somewhere! It is just one tiny job that is simple and easy so they do it and it is one less thing on my list.

The second mini goal was to write a list of the chores to help us all see what needs to be done and to help keep on top of everything. I think I had just written this one and totally forgotten about it. I am going to write this list this week and stick it up for everyone to see and use. They can tick off jobs, possibly even earn points if we can work out a system and a reward. Things like that work so well with the kids.

This was part of the closing of my goals blog...

So in the next few weeks I would like to have this house running like clockwork. A bit of hard work to start with but hopefully the habits build and I can get in to a great routine and end up having tons of free time to relax and enjoy all our hard work.

It has been 7 weeks and I am a little sad that my house isn't running like clockwork but at least I am working on it. Parts of it need a lot more work and I think my biggest problem was that I wrote the goals and then didn't revisit them enough. I am going to print them out or write them somewhere so I can see them a lot, just like my vision board.


Another problem I have is that to achieve my goals I need to rely heavily on other people. This is difficult when the other people don't share my want or need to fulfil the goals. They understand why I want these things but they don't necessarily want or need this stuff for themselves. We all have different priorities and I know mine are very different from Trav's. We will get there. We have made some progress from the week 6 challenge and I know that I have made amazing progress within myself.

Onwards and upwards! :)

SYL - Week 12

Dealing with change

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Change is something that I look forward to, often strive for, but it is also something that I fear. It is the great unknown isn't it? The change we imagine can be amazing, bright, easy and comfortable. The problem is, we need to set the wheels in motion and be able to deal with everything else that comes along for the ride. The possibility of losing friends if you change the way you act, think or speak (truth be known, you're better off without these people if they don't accept the new you). The chance that things will go wrong and you'll end up back where you were, or worse, further back than that. The chance that you might make it to the end and not actually like the changes. I believe that change is a gamble. You can hedge your bets or stack the deck in your favour but there is still a chance that you won't get everything you bargained for.

This is what holds me back at times. I've been wanting to work on my relationship with hubby. What if we spend more time together, get to know each other again and then find out that we don't like each other? I know it's a long shot but what if our relationship is suffering because we have honestly outgrown each other. These kind of thoughts fill my heart, make my heart race and my breaths shallow. Once upon a time I would have let them overwhelm me. I would have ended up in a full blown panic attack and then avoided working towards that change at all costs, just in case the panic came back the next time I thought about it.

I have come so far this year. 12 weeks of looking inside me, finding out who I am and what I want. I know that SYL is for me because I seem to be ready for every new challenge as it gets posted on a Monday morning. I have already started making little changes and just thinking about the bigger ones. Trying to prepare myself and my family for what is to come. Then I see that this week's challenge is all about change and figuring out what is stopping us.

Fear is stopping me. Plain and simple. I have enormous self doubt, I am working on it and I can see definite improvements but I have a long way to go. I often think I'm not good enough, not worthy, too lazy, too unlucky, etc to end up with the things I strive for. I have the most gorgeous little cheer squad behind me and they were praising me and my sewing skills just the other week and I believe the comment was along the lines of them loving the items I create, now they just need to get me to believe it. I'm getting there. Pride is a very strange, new feeling to me. It feels good but it's so new that it can be a little scary.

The one thing that is helping me towards making the changes that I need is positive thinking. Deb, at SYL, is helping so much. I usually check Facebook in the mornings and to be able to read small positive quotes and comments really helps me to start my day in a positive head space. I've learned to take a deep breath and shake the negative thoughts out, replace them with positive ones. My favourite question for myself at the moment is "Why not?"

Why can't I do anything I put my mind to? Why not strive for something I've always wanted? Why not try to make my life easier and simpler? There is no answer to any of these questions. Not one reason why not. So I need to move past the fear and anxiety and just try. Set myself achievable goals and reward myself when I get to them. If I have a slip up, take a deep breath, learn from it and keep moving forward. Nothing is worth making yourself go all the way back to the start.

This is what I have learned in the last 12 weeks. I know what I want and I am teaching myself that I can have it. One of the biggest changes in me so far is the fact that I am including my family in my activities, even just the house work. The older kids need to learn these skills and the younger ones love to help when they can. I don't need to get stressed and overwhelmed. I have lots of hands to help me as long as I can relax and ignore the half wet coffee cups in the cupboard! At least the dishes are done right? :)

I can finally see our future. It is simple, uncluttered and happy. We talk to each other instead of at each other. We want to spend time together, we actually choose each others company over technology and we are happy. This is all achievable and I am now finding out the best way to get there.

SYL - Week 11

Kindness and Gratitude (gratitude is a very strange looking word! Just thought I would put that out there!), are two words that I have been thinking about a lot this week.

It's safe to say, I've had a week from hell. The whole family came down with gastro, I travelled 4 hours from home, to sell some of my handmade items at a market stall, only to come down with gastro myself and had to get my sister to run the stall for me while I slept it off. Home again yesterday and up at 4am this morning to sick kids. Now have a wide awake baby playing beside me while I catch up on some blogging, waiting for the sun to come up.

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You know what though? I am grateful for it all (well perhaps not the gastro bit).  I have kids to get sick, I have a sister to help me out, I have a hubby to look after the kids while I go away following the first part of one of my dreams, I have another sister home to help out with the kids as well. I know lots of people that don't have that much and I am grateful that I do.

When it comes to kindness, I believe I have always had that. I grew up in a small country town and I was bought up to smile and say hello as you passed someone, even if you didn't know who they were. I constantly let people in in traffic, much to the dismay of the people behind me! I hold doors open for people and I help anyone who I think needs it.

The thing that has stood out to me this week is that I haven't even thought much about these acts of kindness. I just assumed that everyone did them. They had just become part of me and something that I did until I started to take notice of them and the fact that most other people didn't do them. 

Perfect example, I had 3 of my kids with me at the supermarket one day. Toddler walking with one of the big kids, baby in the pram, giant box of groceries balanced somewhere on top. Big kid managed to get a free butterscotch from the check out operator and gave it to the toddler. Of course I was busy and thought nothing of it...... until the toddler swallowed it whole and was choking on it!! I was in the middle of a bus stop, big kid holding the pram, box of groceries on the ground and toddler held almost fully upside down, being whacked on the back. How many people do you think helped me or even asked if we were ok?...... That's right, none. I was astounded. If I was a bystander, there is no way that I could have stood by and watch that and not offer assistance. Even if it was to hold the groceries!!!

This is when I get disheartened with the world. I now realise that I have 2 choices. I can get angry and resentful and start to treat the world the way they treat me, or I can walk away and hold my head high, knowing that I am a kind person and for that I am Grateful.

*forgot to add, toddler was fine once the butterscotch was dislodged from halfway down his oesophagus! We picked up the box of groceries and were on our merry way again.

SYL - Week 10

Face your fears


Fear is something that affects me daily. It always has. I'm a very nervous and anxious person by nature. Or is that by nurture? My Mum is exactly the same and, in a way, bought us up to be just like her. Not purposefully, she just didn't teach us differently.


I have 3 major fears. The ones that have the greatest impact on my life. I want to talk about all three whilst trying not to write an enormous post AGAIN this week! I write as much as I talk, heaps!! haha

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The dark. My arch nemesis. I have been afraid of it for as long as I can remember. Lots of nights, laying in bed listening to the songs on the old radiogram (I'm actually not that old, it was hanging around forever!!) and opening my eyes every now and again, making sure the light was still shining from it. I shared a room with my sister, she would wait until I was asleep to turn it off so she could sleep. I couldn't sleep without the noise and the light.

Even now I sleep with the light on in the hallway. If I'm having a really tough time, I sleep with the bedroom light on. 

Ways to overcome/confront this fear would be to turn the light off. Not going to happen, well at least that's not the first step. I think a good step would be hubby turning the hallway light off when he gets home from work at about 1am. So I am asleep but can wake up in the dark. I doubt that would worry me as much because I could just close my eyes, it's dark in there anyway! That seems do-able! On to fear number 2.....

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Being alone. I don't mean being in the house by myself, even though that used to be a fear of mine, I mean not being loved. Yep that is it in a nutshell. I need to be loved, I need to constantly know that I am loved. Mostly by my Mum and my Hubby.

I adore my Mum. Apart from Hubby and the kids, she is the person I feel the most protective of, love the most, think about the most. As we get older, she gets more fragile in my eyes and it scares me. This Christmas just gone, we said a last goodbye to her own Mum. Such a sad time. I would give anything to never have to say goodbye to my Mum. I live 3 hours from her and that is hard enough.

When I was a kid, I was left alone in hospital a lot. I had brothers and sisters that my Mum had to look after so she couldn't stay with me. I remember crying for her as she left, watching her walk away, crying for her at night and watching all the cars drive past the window from the minute the sun came up until she arrived. Often late in the day. It broke my heart and it still puts a lump in my throat. She couldn't help it and I know it hurt her too. I know this is where my fear of abandonment comes from. This fear now carries over and brings fears and anxieties about Hubby or my friends not loving me or leaving me.

Now how do I deal with this one. It has me anxious just thinking about it. I think I just need to keep remembering how strong I am. My Mum is so proud of me for that, it is something she tells people and reminds me of often. She has trouble talking about feelings but I know she loves me and is proud of me. I need to remember that I am loved by lots of people, I need to see it in their actions, not just try to find it in their words. If I can do this then I will never be alone. Fear number 3, look out, I'm coming for you......

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Hurting People. Not physically, I'm a 5'2" weakling!, but emotionally hurting people. Letting them down, disappointing them. I often say or do the wrong thing. Whether it's from not thinking things through or just plain thinking I was right at the time. Sometimes I am right but I still hurt someone's feelings. This breaks me. I hate it. I do a lot to avoid it because I have a true fear of it. 

I love being helpful. I will always do something for nothing, it's just the way I am. I'm one of those people who say hello to strangers as we pass on the footpath, help elderly people with their trolley in the car park (more about this in my next post). So for me to deal with the fact that my words or actions have caused someone pain or sadness is really hard to deal with. I endure countless events, conversations, etc, just to avoid disappointing someone.

The biggest problem here is that I take on other people's emotions and problems. Obviously if I am just a bitch and someone gets hurt, that is my fault but that rarely happens. If I act like anyone else would, if I be honest because it's the right thing to do even though I know the other person won't like it, I can't hold myself responsible for the way that they feel afterwards. I can try and help them feel better but I can't let it take me down.

I have started working on conquering this fear as well. I would like to retain a little of it because I believe that not hurting others is important and I never want to be the kind of people who never thinks of others before herself, I just need to find a balance. Right now, my fear of hurting others means that I suffer most of the time, I want to make that just a tiny bit of the time.

I have managed to be honest with people and the ones that are left at my side are the ones who know the real me and understand that I need to put myself first sometimes. I have come a long way but I need to keep it up or I will slide down that very slippery slope again. My plan is to keep working on this, keep reminding myself that I am not responsible for every reaction and emotion that people have. They need to take some ownership of it and realise that they are hurting themselves. I will try and think before I speak or type so there is less chance of me hurting someone unintentionally. That can be controlled in a way and if I know I am thinking first then I won't have to be so scared about what might happen after a conversation, I should already know that I am doing my best to be nice.

Well it's 11.30pm and hubby will be home soon so I better get to bed and pretend I've been in bed for hours and caught up on some sleep like I was supposed to do tonight! :p

I'm loving blogging and SYL. I look forward to reading all the linked up blogs each week and the comments on my blogs make me feel amazing. Thank you all for taking the time to read and comment xo

SYL - Week 9

Go easy on yourself

simple right? wrong. I've hit rock bottom this week, well not rock bottom, I've been there before and this is still a way from it, thank goodness. I am low, I am exhausted and I am having trouble picking myself up again. I haven't been this low for months and it has really stopped me in my tracks. Depression really is a long, hard battle that can flare up at any time.

I have written most of this blog post before, then deleted it because it really made no sense and not only was it off track but it didn't even seem to know that a track existed. Tonight I've read lots of blogs that have been linked up for Week 9 and I loved them all, everyone seems so positive, even if they struggled with it at first. The posts have at least given me the incentive to try again. I will not let this fog keep me from completing a week!! I will do this, it just may be a little disjointed, sad or dark. Maybe I should apologise in advance, maybe I should just type.

I've always thought I was a bad person, bad inside. I've thought that since I was very young. I must be a bad person, that's why bad things happen. I didn't stop believing this until last year, at times it still creeps back, like now, but most of the time I know that I am not a bad person. Yep this is hard to write still but tonight I will publish whatever ends up on this page. 

I tried to find myself a mantra this week. It was really difficult. I used to have one. 

"Life sucks, it always has, it always will, get used to it"

Hmmm, this screams of teenage angst to me but it stayed with me well in to adulthood and I truly, honestly believed it. I mean, it was true. One bad thing after another, one stupid decision after another, life went on, nothing ever changed. Some people chose to dwell on everything and complain constantly. Not me, I was of the opinion that shit happened, you had to just move on. Luckily, I now know that life doesn't actually suck. Some things suck and you move on but lots of good things happen in between. Since I figured this out, a lot more good things have started to happen because I welcome them in to my life and I make less bad decisions.

Then I found a better mantra.....

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This is what I need to keep saying to myself. I can get out of bed and I will. I can walk outside the front door and I will. I can go to the supermarket and I will. I can talk to people on the phone and I will. I can go to bed and sleep in the dark and I will. Ok that one might have to wait until next week, but I will get there again (and also talk more about this in the next blog about fears!).

Now on to what I need to let go of, how I can go easy on myself. This is most applicable to me if I totally turn it on it's head. I need to go easier on everyone else to make life easier for me. I need to stop expecting that everyone will do things the same way I do them, will do as many things as I manage to do in a day. It's very very difficult for me to do. I honestly believe that I do things better, faster, easier than anyone else. Most of the time I find myself saying "can you get me the.... oh don't worry I'll do it" because I know that by the time I finish the sentence, I'll already have whatever it is in my hand. The inability to let other people do things is half the reason I am so exhausted. I am a Mum of 4. 2 kids are at school, one primary, one secondary. 2 kids are at home. Hubby works evening shift and leaves at school finish time so when he goes to work, I pick up the 2 older kids and my day seems to start all over again. I'm tired just thinking about it.

I know what I have to do. I need to get a roster going, give everyone a job to do. Even just one each to start with. I need to make sure they do it, I'm not allowed to. I don't need to do everything, it doesn't matter if the dishes are washed slowly and not put away in the right place (ok I'll admit I can't be in the room while it's being done and I will probably straighten the plate stacks when I am getting plates out for dinner but that will be ok for now). 

I have a massive problem with trying to find a balance between my ego and my energy. My ego has had a massive boost lately and I now believe I am good and actually better than most people. I need to wind this back, it's not helping me. I am not superior than most people, some yes, most no. I need to remember that other people can help me to give me a break. It doesn't matter if the job isn't done the way I do it.

I feel I'm running way off track again but that is my brain lately. I've learned to let it roam a little and then bring it back.

The other thing I need to work on is focussing on what I have achieved every day and not what I didn't find time to do. I can sit at the end of the night and look at the messy lounge room and the pile of fabric I got out hours ago to cut patterns from and chastise myself for getting NOTHING done. I haven't done nothing. I have hung a load of cloth nappies on the line, washed and hung a second load of washing. Bought both of those loads in off the line, washed a load of towels ready to hang out tomorrow. Ordered medication for my daughter and remembered to invite my Mum and Dad to dinner on Thursday night. Looked after four kids, even managed to play with them. Give the two littlies and hubby a hair cut. Been to the supermarket, cooked dinner and did the dishes. Put all four kids to bed and wrote a blog post.

How could I ever see that as nothing? Easy, I didn't bother to even think about it. All I could see was the jobs left over at the end of the day. I don't know as many people who work as hard as I do at home but I still call myself lazy and think I don't do enough. Why? Are my kids fed, bathed, happy, healthy? Yes. Is my hubby happy, fed (he can bathe himself!), healthy? Yes. Then what is my problem? I honestly think I've just thought like that for so long that I didn't even realise it was a problem. Now I do and it's time to work on it.

This will be a tricky one but I'm going to let myself off the hook this week. If I want to spend a day on the couch in my pj's then, damn it, I will!!

(if you made it all the way through that novel sized post then I thank you for reading!!) xo

SYL - Week 8

What Is Happiness?


Happiness is a few different things to me. It is something that people take for granted. It is something that you can only truly appreciate when you have felt sadness. It is something that has to be constantly worked towards, it doesn't just happen.


There are a lot of things that make me happy, different things bring different amounts of happiness for different reasons. Here is a short list (I've not planned this post, am just typing and letting it come out naturally so I HOPE this is a short list!).


These things all make me happy....


My hubby, Trav
My kids, Cameron, Sophie, Jack and Hannah
My Mum
My extended family
Sewing
Babies
Helping others
Being nice


Ok, I'm impressed that I've managed to write a fairly short list. I'm very obviously a people person which is strange when you know what is in my head. I spent most of my life needing to be with someone every moment of the day. I hated to be alone and didn't cope very well with it at all. Now I am a very different person, I crave my space and love having time to myself. This came about as a method of self preservation during my battle with depression. This is a battle that is far from over but I am winning at the moment.


Depression is something I hope to leave behind one day. It's physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. It takes every ounce of my being to fight off the fog that I've been in for a long time now. The strangest thing is that I never realised how bad things were until I started to get better. I started to feel happy again and then realised that I had been unhappy for a long time. I had totally shut down and was using all my strength just to get out of bed in the morning and keep breathing.


This week I've been very mindful of happiness. Whether I am feeling it, what I have to do to bring it in to my life every day and how to keep it there. This weeks challenge has shown me just how far I have come in the last 12 months. 12 months ago is when I faced my situation and finally accepted that I needed help. It was one of the scariest things I've ever done. I went to the GP with a hand written note as I couldn't even say the words. It was one of the roughest rides I could imagine. The first lot of antidepressants made me suicidal, I very nearly took my own life. I have my hubby to thank for looking after me and making that impossible. I have self harmed in the past and this came back with a compulsion stronger than I had seen before. I HAD to do it, I LOVED to do it and I didn't see why I couldn't. They are my arms, I'm not doing serious harm, why can I not just scratch them with a pin until they bled and split? I now look at the scars on my arms, listen to people ask me what happened to them and wish like I've never wished before that I hadn't done that. At the same time, I still crave the feeling and if I hadn't thrown my cutting pins away, I would still be doing it. It's a hard thing to sort out in my head.


The thing that makes me happiest at the moment is my sewing. It's purely for me. It's something I can do alone, it's relaxing and I love the feeling I get from completing a project. The accomplishment brings a great feeling of happiness and pride. The fact that people buy the things I sew still blows my mind and I will be forever grateful to those people. I've just been away for the weekend and I thought about half finished sewing projects left on my sewing desk, I couldn't wait to get home and get started on them again. I'm so glad I've taken the SYL challenge because it has helped me realise that I am worth working for, worth taking the time to look after and spoil. I don't think I've ever felt like that before. I'm making myself important, as important as everyone else. It's not the easiest thing to get used to but it sure is working for me.


This post is a bit strange I know, it's early morning and I just felt like writing. It's probably all over the place, may not make a whole lot of sense and parts will be confronting. This is exactly what my mind is like all the time. Sometimes I think it does me good to let the thoughts out exactly as they happen. Once they are down on 'paper', I can sort through them and see what is what. I think I better recap now though, even I'm not sure where the point is in here!!


Happiness to me is something that makes me feel amazing. I don't have to laugh all the time, sometimes it's just a little smile. It is a feeling of calm and warmth. Something I get from helping other people, often strangers, knowing the only thing I will get in return is the feeling of happiness. There is no better reward.


I strive to make other people happy as well. I would love the world to be happy. I think the world just needs to be taught that happiness doesn't just happen. You need to find what makes you happy and do it every day. If I end every day with one happy memory then life will be so much easier than it used to be.

SYL - Week 7

Wow 7 weeks in to the year already! Unbelievable. Time goes so fast when you're busy all the time. This week  SYL - 52 weeks to simplify your life, is all about Vision boards. I've read/seen a lot about them but had never made one myself. I was always a bit lost when I thought about what my goals were and what I'd really like to have/give/achieve in life. With the help of Deb over the last 7 weeks, I know have some idea and was really keen to give this challenge a go. So here it is.....

I started with the sky background. To me, dreams and goals lift you up and free you, nothing is higher or more free than the sky :)

I have listed my 6 core values on my page (remember I couldn't manage to cut it down to 5 so have one more than most people). They all tie in to at least 2 vision areas and the vision areas tie in to my goals. I have only touched on my most important goals so far so there are a couple of new ones in here which I will work on soon.

Lets start with the top right hand corner. This represents my goal of being financially stable and buying our own home. We are well on the way to this at the moment, just need a bit more of the paper stuff we use to pay for things. To support the vision of a home, I have the vision of a very close and loving relationship and a wedding. Trav and I aren't married yet but we will be one day. This leads me in to and will take courage. I have been married before and it is an even bigger step for me now than it was last time. I want this one to be perfect.

The other vision area that ties in to courage is my Facebook business. I run Little Hannah Bear, a place where I can be creative and help people, two of my most favourite things in the world. I sew things like children's clothes and accessories, cloth nappies and accessories and also some items for women lately. It is something that lifts me up and gives me purpose and I would really love to grow it in to a real business and see where it takes me. To do this, I must be positive.

Positivity is something that I am grabbing with both hands. I am loving listening to meditation and self hypnosis recordings before I fall asleep every night. The skills I'm learning are helping me calm my anxiety and ward off panic attacks. I am a much calmer person (most of the time!) and am finding balance between the pressures and expectations on me and my own needs.

Positivity and Resilience are both playing a part in our of my main goals. I would like to have an organised, clutter free house. I know I will get it one day because I am working towards it with small steps. I don't want to just reorganise in one big go and then have it all go straight back to what it was before. I've done that and it doesn't actually help. I want to do it one room at a time, even one cupboard at a time and learn life long cleaning habits.

So this is my values board. I am going to print it out and frame it, put it in front of my sewing machine so I can sew and dream. Sounds like bliss doesn't it? :)

SYL - Week 6

This week, SYL's task is all about setting goals. I've been looking forward to this. I feel like I've centred myself in the last 6 weeks, found out what my values are, what my life balance looks like and where my priorities lie. Now it is time to get planning.

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I've been looking back at my values from Week 2. Honesty, Responsibility, Courage, Family, Positivity and Resilience.

 Then I took a look back over Week 3 and my mission statement and thought about my key words. "slow down, quality time, respect and dignity, cherish, support, stand strong, believe in ourselves."

Finally a quick peek at Week 4 and the Wheel of Life. I didn't need to look very hard at this one because with two number 1's on there, it was obvious that I have areas in my life that need emergency assistance! Relationship and Home.

I'm always amazed by how well everything ties in together. If I didn't know better, I would think every post had been written at the same time, not over a few weeks. This is how I know that I am being open and honest and it's the reason I am enjoying this challenge so much. So lets get down to business.

Goal 1 - To repair, strengthen and enjoy my relationship with hubby.

This is a big one. It is such an important thing that it is quite daunting but I will not let fear or doubt stand in my way with this one. I can't be without Trav, it's not an option so this goal will be accomplished in full over time. It definitely needs to be broken down in to smaller goals though.....

Mini goal 1 - To spend one night a week with Trav. No computers or phones. Just the two of us, playing a board game, talking, watching a movie, cuddling, taking a bath. Something relaxing that gives us time to connect and touch again.

Mini goal 2 - To sit and talk honestly about how we feel, why we feel that way and what we can do to help the situation we find ourselves in. This talk will be quiet and calm. We will let each other speak and actually listen to what we are saying. I want to learn where he is at and find out his goals, hopes and dreams. I used to know these things.

They are my starting mini goals for goal 1. I haven't included a time limit because I'm not sure when it will happen but I will get started on them both straight away. I want mini goal 1 to become a regular habit, right now it sounds like the perfect way to spend an evening.

Goal 2 - To declutter and organise the house so it can be maintained easily.

This one needs mini goals as well because even though my house is not like something from an episode of Hoarders, it could definitely be neater, tidier and cleaner. I want one of those houses where you don't need to do a mad rush and tidy things when you find out people are coming over (do these houses even exist?).

Mini goal 1 - To organise one room at a time in this order. Lounge, Kitchen, Bathroom, Hallway, Bedrooms. The bedrooms get lumped together because as Trav and I sort ours, the big kids can sort theirs. I am starting with the Lounge and Kitchen as they are already half done. I have made a start on this goal, almost every night before I go to bed, the dishes are done and the Lounge is tidied. I just need to declutter both rooms a bit. So a small start to a bigger goal. This one I am very excited about.

Mini goal 2 - To write a list of chores that need to be done. This will be written in weekly format and pinned on the fridge so that everything can be ticked off when it is done. I want the whole family to be involved in this one. I want to instill a sense of pride in my children, I want them to be proud of their environment and their abilities and effort.

So in the next few weeks I would like to have this house running like clockwork. A bit of hard work to start with but hopefully the habits build and I can get in to a great routine and end up having tons of free time to relax and enjoy all our hard work.

I plan to revisit my goals in the near future and hopefully I will have accomplished both of these and be able to look at my Wheel of Life again and see what needs some work next.

Thanks for reading once again and have a great week xo

SYL - Week 4

Wheel of Life

This weeks mission for SYL Week 4 is to examine exactly how life is going right now. I like this idea and was really looking forward to completing the challenge. It also helped spur me on to finish Week 3 - Mission Statement, which I didn't get finished in time to add to the linky so if you have time and would like to read it I hope you will

This is my Wheel of Life as it stands today...

There is nothing really surprising in there for me. I've been through one hell of a year and two things have suffered the most at this end of it. My Relationship with Trav is the one that makes me the saddest. Don't get me wrong, I love him to the moon and back and he loves me too, I just think that we are tired and are taking each other for granted. I suffered with very severe depression over the last 12 months. It was well and truly out of control and I nearly took my own life. I don't like to dwell on it too much because I've managed to get some professional help and I'm in a much much better place now. Trav is the reason I am here. He knew how to look after me and knew when it was time to get tough and kick my butt out of bed or off to the doctor. I owe him a lot. I know that he is as tired as I am. That's obvious in the other area we need to work on...

Home. By this I mean the house. The physical side of it like the cleanliness. Our house is not filthy and disgusting but it could be a lot better. We let things slide when we had bigger problems to deal with but we have those under control now so it's time to start working on the house and our home again. I want it to be a happy, bright, clean place. Somewhere I can invite family and friends to without having to do a quick tidy and a vacuum. I want the kids to learn the responsibility of keeping the house clean as you go instead of someone else cleaning it all at a certain time of day.

Creativity, Family and Health are going along ok. They are not in dire need of attention but there is room for improvement. I think I'd love to get an average of 3 for my Wheel of Life by the end of 2012. Actually I'd love to have everything at a 3 or above. 3's are good, 3's are manageable and they mean the pressure is off a little.

Finances and Work are going great. Trav loves his job and earns good money. I have my own facebook page and have turned my hobby in to something that can earn me money to buy more fabric and enjoy being creative. It has done wonders for my self esteem and I love it. Money is something that Trav and I have always had control over. We work well as a team and because of this, we manage to save money living on one wage and still not go without things that we need or want.

This leaves Friendships. My friendship group has had 2 changes over the last 12 months. It has been hard and there are things I regret and would change. What I wouldn't change is the outcome. I have two of the most loving, honest and supportive friends anyone could have. We have been through so much in the last 2 years. I think that's what has made us so close. Honesty was one thing I promised them and it is what has cemented our friendship. I think I am finally at the stage where I can relax, be happy and just let the friendship grow on it's own. It feels so natural now.

Well, I've managed 2 blog posts in one day. It feel so good to have made it back to the keyboard. Writing is one of my favorite things to do. SYL12 gives me a reason and the motivation to write and I get so much from it. I hope other people gain something from reading, I know I gain a whole lot from reading other people's blogs xo

SYL - Week 3

My Mission Statement

This weeks mission floored me. I had no idea how to tackle it or what I was going to come up with. It has taken me an extra week because we had a little family holiday but this was a blessing in disguise as far as my blog goes. The extra time has given me time to think and reflect, consider the things that work in my life and the things I would like to see in the coming year.

I cherish my family, I am sitting here watching the two youngest eating their dinner as I type. They are so small and impressionable. Like little tiny sponges that will soak up information forever. How can I help them live to their full potential without a plan, without a mission statement.

I'm still not exactly sure how to word things so I'm just going to type. My mind usually plays second fiddle to my fingers while I blog :p I just seem to type and everything ends up exactly as I'd imagined it would. I'm hoping that happens today but I'm not confident haha. It was nice to know that I wasn't alone in worrying a little about this challenge. We get so carried away with life that we forget that we can stop, look, listen, think, plan and THEN act. This is what I want to do this year. Take back control. So here goes......

Our family will slow down, spend quality time together, treat each other with respect and dignity. We will cherish everything we have and support those less fortunate. We will stand strong during any struggles and do our very best at every opportunity. We will believe in ourselves.


I have highlighted the words that I think are the most important for us to focus on this year. I am looking forward to a much more family orientated year and one in which I find, understand and believe in our worth, especially mine :)


http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/simplify-your-life-week-3-creating-mission-statements/

SYL - week 2

Values

This one has really got me thinking. I haven't read anyone else's blog this week because I wanted this to be all about me. I didn't want ideas from others or an idea of how to write my values. They are inside me somewhere and I can find them. The printable did come in handy and gave me an idea of the kind of words I was after, it was easier than I thought it would be after that.

I'm going to start with my list
Honesty
Loyalty
Courage
Playfulness
Family
Self reliance
Positivity
Balance
Resilience
Creativity
Responsibility

A big list to start with. These are the words that stand out to me. These are the things that I value about myself, my friends and my family. These are the things that I look for when choosing things like schools or caregivers for my children. These are the words that describe how I expect myself to act and treat others and how I expect others to act and treat me. I don't value them all equally so this is how I was able to have a second look at the list and decide which ones are more important than others.

Which values made the cut..
Honesty
Courage
Family
Positivity
Resilience
Responsibility

I didn't manage to cut it down to 5. I can't seem to leave any of these values behind so all 6 will continue on with me to the next step. Now it is time to rank them and find the most important. This doesn't seem like it will be an easy task but it's one I'm looking forward to. As much as I've thought about this task all week, I haven't  actually thought about which value would top the list. Now it's time to get in to it.

Value #1 - Honesty

Without a doubt this one gets the top spot. I value honesty from family, friends, carers, corporations, customers, employers, the list is probably endless. There are so many people out there who are dishonest. If we were all like that, I think the world would self destruct before very long. I pride myself on being a very honest person. Lies are much more often hurtful than they are helpful.

Value #2 - Responsibility

I believe responsibility comes with age. Even small children become responsible for their own actions and toys as soon as they are able to understand consequences. The learning and responsibilities continue until the day we die. I cherish family and friends who can stand up, be responsible and take ownership of their behaviour. I think those people are amazing and should be held close.

Value #3 - Courage

This is getting a bit trickier now, these values are becoming almost even in level of importance. This is an amazing task and I am loving it so far. Courage is something that I have always needed and expect to need for a long time. I needed to stand up for myself as a child and an adult. Now I also need to stand up for my children and my husband. I will also stand up for anyone not strong enough to stand up for themselves. I love being an advocate for others but I love teaching them to be courageous even more. Everyone can do it, courage goes hand in hand with self worth. When you believe you're worth standing up for, it's amazing the power you can possess.

Value #4 - Family

My family are the single most important thing in my life. I am surprised to see them down here at number 4 in my values ranking. The reason they are is because they need to come after the other values. I can't look after myself and my family without Honesty, Responsibility or Courage.

Value #5 - Positivity

This is a value that I have only recently realised the power of. The power of positive thinking can help you overcome so many obstacles. It can lift you up and change your world in a second. I've found so many positive people, words and pictures right here in the SYL challenge and I want to thank everyone that has helped me find it. I now find at least one inspirational picture a day to focus on and that is my mantra for the day. When I have a bad day, I read something positive and reflect on the positives in my life before I go to sleep. It is going to change my life, I just know it.

Value #6 - Resilience

I could not leave this lovely value off the list. I am a very resilient person, I always have been. I can face adversity and get back up over and over again. When people asked me how, I used to answer "because I have to, no one else is going to do it" but I've come to believe that it's not entirely true. Not everyone copes with hardship. Not everyone puts their children first and struggles through whatever that entails. I do these things without a second thought and I now know why. It's because I value Honesty, Responsibility, Courage, Family and Positivity. They are all linked and they all give me Resilience.

Who knew it would be harder to end this post than it would be to write it. I'm amazed that all my values tie in so nicely. They are exactly who I think I am, who I hope I can always be.

http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/52-weeks-to-simplify-your-life-challenge/

SYL - Week 1

I like the thought of ending a year thinking of the positives. It is so easy to fall in to the trap of just remembering the negatives but positive things happen to us every day. We just don't seem to take as much notice of them compared to the negative ones and it is a real shame. We take so many things for granted. I've come to the realisation that I don't really want to change anything this year. I have everything I could need or want. I just need to get things in order, simply my life so I have time and energy for my family.

This is my list of everything that went right in 2011....

My daughter had a liver transplant 3 years ago and was in perfect health all year. Her courage and enthusiasm gives me so much pride and strength. She is amazing.

My four children make me smile every single day. They are so loving and considerate (well most of the time! they are kids after all!) I love that I can be proud of their behaviour when we are out and they will get in and help me any time I ask. My two big kids help so much with the two little kids (14, 11, 2 and 1) and while I know they don't always feel like doing it, they rarely complain.

I've made myself happy this year. I had a couple of very rocky times but it has taught me that I am worth the fight. I am a strong person. I am loyal and loving. I am clever and talented and I want to ignore the doubts and push on in the new year to show off all of these attributes I can be so proud of.

In 2011, I jumped head first in to my own sewing hobby and started selling items on facebook. It has given me something to work towards, shown me that I am good enough and am capable of almost anything I put my mind to (except for satin stitch on a sewing machine it seems! This I will conquer one day as well!)

Love has bought my family together this past year. The way we all stick up for each other and rally when times are tough gives me the strength to carry on. I see other families fall apart and it just makes me cherish mine even more.

I have learnt that I can be a good friend. That I can have good friends. This has been the most empowering revolation of 2011. I am worth it and so are my friends. I love them dearly and I can only hope that I give back as much as I get.

I am grateful for my family, my gorgeous friends and my psychologist! I have finally realised that I am the person who needs the work now and I'm not scared or embarrassed but ready to jump in with both feet and get the smile back on my face permanently. I deserve it and my family deserve it.

Here's to a New Year and a new me! :D


http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/52-weeks-to-simplify-your-life-syl-week-1/

52 weeks to simplify your life

I am starting 2012 the way I plan to finish it, positively! This is the year when everything will become manageable and I will find my inner peace.

Life has been a struggle for so many years and I finally feel like I now have my head above water. Now it is time to stop and examine my life, find the things that are working well and improve the things that could use some work.

I'm feeling more positive than I have in a long time and I know that I can achieve anything I put my mind to

http://www.homelifesimplified.com.au/